I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
