Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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