I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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