i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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