dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
