3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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