I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
