I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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