Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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