Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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