y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
