physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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