i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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