Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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