We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
