did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
