I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize