i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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