I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
