i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
