Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
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He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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