She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
vagina is talking i cant
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
