My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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