loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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