he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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