i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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