I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
4 words: hood of his car
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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