I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I looked at my own cervix.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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