Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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