Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
