I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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