I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
