You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
