i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
