I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
