We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
