I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
