he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
