...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Boobs are out for the taking
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
