It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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