It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
