God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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