you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
