a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
