Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
