I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
