not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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