why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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