I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
