I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
