Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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