just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
