This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My liver just had a heart attack.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
