Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
