I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
