NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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