very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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