'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
please come you make the beer taste better
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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