I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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