I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have already put on my inside pants.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize