my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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