his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
