I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
