I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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