So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
