$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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